August 16, 2011

There's A Skinny Me Inside Here Somewhere

I was just reading Garance Dore's blog post entitled New York Skinny vs Paris Skinny and I can totally relate!

This is very, very difficult for me to write and admit, but I need to lose weight. Every time I get dressed, I'm depressed. Every time I look at the clothes in my closet I no longer fit into, I'm depressed. (Well, I fit into them but the boobs insist on spilling out. And also it's a little hard to breathe.) And I'm so freaking sick of it.

Before I moved to the States, I was at least a size smaller than I am now. I did Pilates four times a week, and ran at least five times a week. My body wasn't anywhere near perfect, but I was fit and lean. Now, I've got fat in places I didn't know fat grew. And my upper thighs... cottage cheese much?

I was overweight for most of my life, and in Jan 2000, I decided enough was enough. I joined a gym and lost about 35 to 40 lbs with exercise and eating in moderation. I've kept that off for the most part, but in the last few years of living in the States, I've put a bit of that back on. And it's my fault. I blame nobody but myself.

In the last few months it's become apparent that my eating habits haven't been stellar, and I need to start being more stringent about what I eat. I had stopped running sometime last year because my asthma had gotten out of control, but since April I got on meds that've allowed me start running again (PHEW!). My bum has thankfully returned to its perky glory, but exercise is not enough. I need to curb my eating. Like Garance said, the portions here are way larger than what I'm used to, and over the course of four years, I've slowly started to eat more and more at each sitting.

So I'm returning to my way of thinking when I started my new healthier lifestyle in 2000.
- At each meal, I must only eat a portion that my body needs, and then stop. I don't need to finish everything in front of me.
- No snacking on rubbish. If I don't buy it, I don't eat it. If I have to snack, fruit or nuts are the only options.
- No grazing. When you don't lay out your food in front of you, you're not accountable for it because you don't see how much you're actually eating.
- I will write down every single thing I ingest. I wrote down my daily intake for years and it worked. I wish I'd never stopped.
- Always make time to exercise and never make excuses. I absolutely hate exercise but I know I need to do it. And I always feel better for it afterwards.

My aim is not to be a skinny supermodel. I'm short, busty and I have strong legs that can kick the shit out of anyone. I like the way I am. I just want to be 15 lbs lighter than I am now and feel like myself again. Plus I'm kind of sick of the bigger boobs. They're REALLY irritating.

Illustration courtesy of Garance Dore.

13 comments:

julieQ said...

Amen to all of that...I need to do it too!!! And the leg thing...hilarious and true for me as well!!

Chris said...

Don't be too hard on yourself Audrie. Just focus on being "healthier not thinner" and I'm sure that the pounds will fall away. I think you rock and I start every morning with my coffee and your blog.

Pinkadot Quilts said...

No matter what, women look in the mirror and see all our flaws, men (no matter what they look like)see only the good things, how is that?
You need to read my post about a friend putting on spanx for a wedding...hilarious !http://pinkadotquilts.blogspot.com/2011/08/miscellaneous-tuesday.html
We all struggle, hang in there!

Aurelia said...

SAME Che! Since coming to Australia I've put on soooo much weight. Like 10-15KG and I am so sick of it. No more snacking and smaller portions. And less sugar and carbs. Wish I had the will power for exercise though. =( And our stupid family has the problems with the boobs. Annoying.

mascanlon said...

Well it sounds like you have good plan and one that has worked for you before....maybe I can get motivated too...not good at exercise but gosh South Beach works for me once I get serious about it and do the shopping! Looking forward to hearing how it goes!

angela said...

Awesome list! I may post a few on the mirror for myself. The horrible 40 has me plumping up way sooner than I would have 10 years ago, and it's harder to stay toned....so I have to work on it. Yuck. But even more yuck is that horrible feeling of the pants a tad too tight and the bra heaving some mush over the back strap. Time to stop the bad snacking and get back into an exercise habit!

Sandra said...

I hear you! Since moving to Canada, I've gained the pounds. Now I live in a rural area and we have to drive~everywhere. Back in the UK I lived in the city and walked a mile+ to work every morning and evening!
So, for me, I'm blaming it on country living and the ENORMOUS portions that people in North America (no insults intended)put on their plates at meal times.
Stick with a plan, you'll be happy again before you know it!!

Meg said...

I'll admit, we tend to be quite starch-obsessed in the US--it's the whole "meat and potatoes" mentality. Breaking that habit is hard, but possible! I combat this by filling my plate with lots of vegetables before anything else, skipping the carbs quite a bit, and keeping sweets and junk food OUT of the house! 20lbs (lighter!) later, I think I'm on the right track. :) It can be done!

Sandra said...

I hear you on this too and wish you luck with the new plan. I wish I had your determination, I'm not in the US but I do need to stop snacking and start exercising too. I must try harder to look after myself! S x

Christina said...

I saw you live kindda near me from A Cup of Joe and thought I'd come by and say hello!

I completely get your frustration. I lost a ton of weight in 2003 and managed to keep it off until we moved here a year ago. It's not nearly as bad as it once was but still I wouldn't miss 30 lbs and would be happy with 20. Thankfully I know how to get it off its just harder because I'm older now. . .

Amber said...

Oh, I am so with you. I just had to get new bras this weekend and could not believe the size. I'm still in denial. Although, the hubs loves it:)

Anonymous said...

You're strong, you're opinionated and I like you. That is all.

Sewing Geek said...

It IS easier to eat right when you don't have the access to food that we have in the U.S. My husband came to the U.S. from Cuba and he was a skinny stick, he ballooned up gaining 30 lbs so fast that he gave himself a hernia! It is a struggle. I'm US born and I struggle, up and down. Currently need to drop about 20 lbs. GOOD LUCK, you can do it. :)

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