December 13, 2011

A Time To Remember

While I was writing Christmas cards, I had a realisation.

I won't be writing one to my grandmother this year.

I miss her so much. I cried when it hit me, not just because she's no longer with us. She was in a great deal of pain on Christmas Day last year but didn't say a word because she didn't want to ruin everyone's Christmas celebrations. That's the kind of amazing person she was.

(Sorry to be a Debbie Downer.)

At least there's this goofball to cheer me up... Here she is destroying a card box while pretending she's not misbehaving :)

Anyway, of course I'll miss my grandma but I take comfort in knowing she'll be with us while we celebrate Christmas. I've stopped asking myself what if she'd said something... what if she'd been taken to the hospital sooner... what if, what if, what if. It'll only drive us all crazy, wondering about things you can't change. And she definitely wouldn't want us to ruin what should be a joyous time with what ifs.

5 comments:

Sybil said...

I lost my dad this summer so I understand how you feel. I felt the same way when I was doing my Christmas cards. This Christmas won't be the same without my dad and his Pumpkin Pies.

Sandra said...

It's always the small things that catch us off guard isn't it? We have a few to remember at this time of year too, and you're right not to focus on what can't be changed. Concentrate on the good memories and carry those ones with you.

S x

Chris said...

Having a glass of Malbec and made a toast to Rosie. Thinking good thoughts for you and the hubs.

CitricSugar said...

Aw, hon. That sucks. The first events that happen after someone you love passes away are always hard. And remembering that they're gone stings. Glad you've stopped asking yourself the questions and won't drive yourself crazy with what-ifs. My own late grandmother used to say that there was no going back and what's past help should be past care; missing her is okay and normal, but trying to rewrite circumstances that can't be changed won't help you.

I'm sending you hugs. Big ones. With brownies. But not the trendy new kind with bacon. I know how you feel about bacon.

The Rx quilter said...

My grandma passed in September and I did the same thing two nights ago while I was making my Christmas card list...I saw her address and knew one wouldn't be addressed to her this year. But I too know she will be with us the Christmas, just as I remember her when I was young and she was healthy. Lisa in Texas

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